control.

Three years ago, I found myself going through major growing pains. My dad’s death had sent me into a tailspin. His unfulfilled life was staring me in the face. My career was sucking the life outta me, and I owned a condo that kept me tethered in place. To counter my father’s lack of responsibility I swung my pendulum into self-imposed hyper-control that left me feeling rigid, and abrasive in the eyes of others. I felt trapped by convention. I wanted something else. I wanted to travel. I wanted to try new things. I wanted to be weightless. I was miserable in my complacency and was sleepwalking through life. I was a zombie and longed for a change, but was scared to death.

In my past, change always went hand and hand with family chaos. Change was not a healthy process or an exciting endeavor. Change was forced upon me at every crossroads. My entire life, I’d been searching for stability in an unstable home. Why would I purposely blow up my whole world when I finally had a steady footing?

“I know I can do this…I’m just scared.”

He asked what did I have to lose?

I said, “control.”

He said, “What control? You allow everything and everyone to dictate your life.”

...

He was right. I would only react when provoked. I allowed my life to flow by the decisions made around me. I waited until change came to me.

This would be the first time I took control.

Kaboom!